So, today I was all set to sit down and get all bragadocious on how I’ve been working out. I mean, it’s Last Chance Tuesday, I’m supposed to be writing about exercising.
But, here’s the thing, though I did in fact exercise multiple times this past week, what I’ve got on my mind tonight is not my physical accomplishments, but my mental ineptitude.
I think we all know that having children kills brain cells. Pre-kids, I kind of had it together, but was known to do ditsy things. For example, the day after my wedding, I ran my new car into my new husband’s new car while he checked out of our hotel room. This was witnessed by half our wedding guests through the windows of the glass-enclosed the lobby. Good thing we had exchanged those vows the night before!
Since having children, my everyday cognition has taken a significant hit. I have learned what happens when you microwave a metal container. I have developed a ‘special’ relationship with the managers at the Centreville Giant, as I have gone grocery shopped more than once without my wallet. I have shown up one month early for well check visits at the pediatricians. The list goes on and on.
I just can’t keep it all straight. This is what my foyer looks like every night before I go to bed.
I do all this to get a head start on the morning responsibilities. This week, not only did I set out five days worth of clothing (including exercise gear) for me, and two kids Sunday night. But, I also made five days worth of lunches for me and the kids and threw those into the fridge so I could just grab and go. Even with all this prep work, I’m still up till 11 at night and awake before the sun comes up.
I’m trying so hard on a daily basis, just to not be the lady that leaves one of her kids strapped in their car seat while she works, that I seem to have developed an eye twitch. It’s beyond irritating because it’s not my eyelid, it’s my actual eyeball. It’s not affecting my vision, but it just feels like my eyeball has been doing pushups all morning. It wants a rest. I want to wear an eye patch just to give it a break.
Today, here is the list of stupid s that I did:
1. Make list of my weekly schedule, email it to teacher so that she is aware of any changes. I will see my first student in her classroom in one hour. Then I proceed to loose track of time during a group activity, read the clock wrong (I need to revisit big hand little hand) and arrive 10 minutes late to the appointment I had literally just scheduled with said teacher.
2. While pumping, I reminded myself three times to put the smaller collection bottle on my underproducer, and the larger one on my cow udder. (why I continuously grab this small bottle, I have no idea). Ten minutes later, I’m listening to the horrifying squelching sound as milk pours all over my dress and leggings. I’m trying to disentable myself from tubing and a hands free pumping bra to stop the flow. Damage was already done.
3. Ten minutes late to dentist, despite poor dentist’s attempts via phone calls, email and text to remind me of my appointment. Once there, I apologize for being late. I’m given the quote for today’s work. That is another post altogether. Let’s just say after years and years in the no cavity club, I need a lot of work done…What I heard was ‘and today’s total will be one thousand six hundred dollars.’ I had been quoted something like 1400, so I’m all…wait a second, please explain the difference. They aren’t going to pull one over on me! The nice receptionist looks at me like a crazy woman but walks me through the bill. Then says, I normally don’t have to explain when things are less than anticipated. Ohhh, one thousand sixty dollars. I literally need to revisit place value. Gotcha, I’m a doof.
4. Lastly, and most horrifically comes my afternoon walk with the kids. Ever since finding the bluebells, all I have wanted to do was throw my kids in the sea of flowers and take some spring time photos. So, I rounded up the fam and off we went on a nature walk with the camera.
After our photo shoot, I noticed Ro had sampled quite a few of the purple blossoms. Had to do a finger sweep of her mouth and got a stem, a flower, and a couple little leaves out of there. In the car on the way to dinner, I thought…hmmm I wonder if I should be worried about Rowan eating those flowers? I had Doug Google it while I piloted the grocery getter, and what do you know? Yes! Doug reports, they are poisonous. And apparently they symbolize death, because people used to put them on grave sites.
Commence panic attack. Once stopped I conducted my own Google search that was far less alarming. Doug forgot to give me some important details. Like that she would have to have eaten a boatload of bulbs before she got sick, and even then, we are talking about some simple tummy troubles.
So, while a major crisis was averted, I couldn’t help but kick myself for not thinking about that sooner. But, moving on, this is my new life. I just add it to my list.
So, here’s to tomorrow and here’s hoping I can wake up and get my workout in, and get through the day without pulling a Clark Griswald with the family pet.
Here’s a look at my beautiful children among the little evil poison flowers this evening.